Being a dad often means navigating the tricky waters between teaching commitment and allowing room for exploration. When it comes to kids’ activities, whether it’s sports, music, theater, summer camp, or whatever . . . finding that balance can be a challenge. On one hand, we want to instill the value of seeing things through, understanding that hard work and perseverance can lead to rewarding outcomes. Should a kid quit after a few difficult practices without ever knowing what it’s like to be on that bus home from the championship game, having won and celebrating with teammates? On the other hand, it’s crucial to recognize when an activity isn’t the right fit and allow our kids the freedom to find their true passions. What if your child is the next Eddie Vedder and you have him standing out in right field wearing his baseball glove for a hat? What’s the right call here?
Commitment: Teaching the Value of Perseverance
When your kid signs up for a sport, a season’s worth of commitment can seem like an eternity. The initial excitement (especially when it’s a sport they wanted to play because they watched it on television) can quickly give way to the hard reality of practice, discipline, and the inevitable setbacks. There are likely going to be injuries (hopefully small ones). As a dad, this is where you step in to teach one of life’s most valuable lessons: commitment.
Take the example of a kid starting their first football season. The thrill of wearing the team jersey can be overshadowed by the discomfort of the helmet, the intensity of the drills, and the challenge of learning plays. It’s tempting to quit when the going gets tough. But sticking it out teaches resilience. Here, as fathers, we become their mentors and cheerleaders, pushing our kids to lace up their cleats even when they’re tired, to swing the bat even when they are scared of striking out. Through our encouragement, our children learn that the discomfort is temporary, but the sense of accomplishment at the end of the season is enduring. They discover that commitment brings resilience, a crucial trait that will serve in every facet of their future.
Signing up for an activity, no matter the age, is about showing up for the team, even when you’d rather stay home. The end-of-season trophy, the friendships forged, the standing ovations, and the pride in having stuck it out are invaluable. Your child doesn’t even know what that is until they get to the other end of the season. This is his or her “Band of Brothers” moment. By fighting together in the trenches (practices) day after day, it builds friendships and community that your kid would never really experience outside of sports, theater, camp, or other activity.
Commitment Starts with You, Dad
When our children see us fulfilling our promises, they learn the value of reliability. They understand that their word holds weight and that breaking a commitment affects not just them but the team, the class, the community they are a part of. This lesson in trust and accountability is indispensable. It molds them into individuals who others can depend on, who understand that their actions have repercussions beyond their immediate sphere. So as fathers, teaching commitment through example is our way of ensuring our children grow into adults who don’t shy away from challenges but face them head-on with integrity and tenacity.
The Importance of Exploration: Finding the Right Fit
So now that we’ve settled that, . . . wait. What? . . . We haven’t settled that? . . . Really?
Okay. Not every activity will resonate with every child. The world is full of opportunities, and sometimes, it takes a few tries to find the right fit. Forcing a kid to stick with an activity they truly dislike can lead to resentment and missed opportunities for discovering something they might genuinely love.
Consider the kid who, despite their athletic prowess, finds no joy in football but lights up at the piano. Or the child who hates the structure of soccer practice but thrives in the creative chaos of a theater production. These are signs that it’s time to explore other avenues. Encouraging exploration isn’t about letting kids quit when things get tough, but about helping them find their passion.
So to complete disagree (or so it seems) with the first part of this post, the sunk cost fallacy on kids’ activities is a deceptive trap, one that whispers in our ear to keep pouring time and energy into ventures simply because we’ve already invested so much. It tells us to cling to failing pursuits, fearing the loss of what’s already been spent. As fathers teaching commitment, we must be vigilant against this fallacy, guiding our children to recognize when persistence is noble and when it becomes a misguided attempt to salvage the unsalvageable. The essence of true commitment is not in stubbornly holding onto every undertaking but in discerning which battles are worth fighting. We teach our children that walking away from a futile endeavor is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom. It’s about understanding that real growth sometimes comes from letting go, reassessing, and redirecting one’s efforts toward more fruitful paths. This clarity ensures they are not enslaved by past investments but are empowered to make decisions that best serve their future.
Are You Confused Yet? Finding the Balance
So how do we balance these two important lessons? It’s about setting expectations and communicating openly. Let your child know that trying new things is part of life, but once they commit to a season, they need to see it through. After that, if they still don’t enjoy it, explore other options together. Don’t let them quit the team midway through the season just because they missed a few shots in the last game. You encourage them to finish strong, learn from the experience, and then figure out if the sport is truly for them. This way, they understand that commitment means pushing through challenges, not bailing at the first sign of discomfort. Because there is 100% going to be discomfort and everyone, even the greats, want to quit at some point.
If your kid signs up for a musical, explain that they need to commit to the entire production. Once the curtain falls, you can reassess. Did they enjoy the experience overall? If not, what other activities might they be interested in trying next? This approach teaches commitment while respecting their need to find what truly excites them. As dads, we’re there to help them figure out what their game truly is. That’s all. Does your kid need to play football because you love football when they are the world’s next Brad Pitt? Let them try acting–they’ll buy you a house when they are famous. Commitment is giving your best to the path you’re on, then wisely choosing the next one when you come to a fork in the road.
There is the possibility for an except to be made if your child is being harmed or hurt by the activity. They don’t have to play through injuries. They don’t have to participate in a sport like football if the coach is allowing illegal hits and your child is being hurt in practice (your child doesn’t need CTE because their coach doesn’t know how to coach). If someone on the team is bullying and you cannot work it out with the coach (some coaches think this toughens kids up–it doesn’t), there are times that special circumstances call for special decisions.
Also, if your child is 6’8″ and absolutely hates basketball, don’t make him or her play. They’re not going to the NBA if they don’t love it, no matter how big they are.
Encouraging Without Living Vicariously
As parents, it’s easy to fall into the trap of living vicariously through our kids. Maybe you loved basketball and hope your child will too. Wouldn’t that be great? You can coach them at home and understand the game so well. But it’s crucial to separate your own aspirations from your child’s interests. Encourage them to explore activities that align with his or her passions, not just yours. This doesn’t mean you can’t share your love of certain activities, but be mindful not to push them into something they don’t enjoy just because it’s your dream. Besides, you might actually fall in love with something new watching them play a sport you never watched before.
So Let’s Make a Game Plan:
- Set Clear Expectations: Before signing up for any activity, discuss the commitment involved. Make it clear that your child needs to see it through for the season.
- Encourage Open Communication: Check in regularly with your kid about how they feel. Are they enjoying the practices? What challenges are they facing? Did they make new friends? How have they improved as players?
- Celebrate Effort and Milestones: Recognize and celebrate the small victories along the way. This can boost their confidence and reinforce the value of perseverance. And winning games (whether your child contributed or not) should always get a special treat if it’s their first season–you are teaching them to love the sport or event, not just try it.
- Be Flexible and Open-Minded: If an activity isn’t working out, at the end of the season . . . help your child explore other options. Support their interests, even if they differ from your own. You might surprise yourself and your kids will love you for it.
- Lead by Example: Show your child the importance of commitment by sticking to your own obligations and interests. Your actions will speak louder than words. And also show them that you try new things, too. So go sign up for a dodgeball league and get off the couch. You might like it. 😉
Just Do It.
By teaching the value of seeing things through while also respecting their need to find what they love, we can help our children grow into well-rounded, resilient individuals. Encourage them to try new things, support their passions, and always be there to guide them through the ups and downs. After all, being a dad means being their biggest fan and their most trusted coach.
